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I did find your answer to be super useful though, and I'll be using that technique for other things, I'm sure :) I'm just sorry that I didn't realize that my question was probably too specific was until I saw your clever solution.
Firewill, thank you so much for your answer – I really appreciate you taking the time to help me out! I realize that while your answer solves the narrow problem I stated, it doesn't solve the larger problem I was trying to ask about. I've changed my title and examples to better reflect the larger question I have.
